The moment sex becomes a chore is the moment you’ve sucked the life out of your sex life. After spending six years in that cycle, I’m all too familiar with how hard that cycle is to break. The longer you wait to address the problem, the more troublesome it can become.
What should be a playful perk of marriage quickly dissolves into an insurmountable task when trying to get pregnant. Your sex life is at the mercy of mother nature and several uncontrollable variables, making it all the more important to have good energy together during your fertile window keeping things fun and spontaneous on the many other days.
Many couples face this need to redefine what sex means in their relationship, but so few do it under this kind of pressure.
Procreation vs. Recreation
The energy around required sex days is tough and only make you long for carefree romps. So reset, together. Focus on procreation on ovulation days. When those days pass, shift focus back to your recreational love life. Having non-procreation sex between cycles -- unscheduled, stress-free, just hey you look hot and I wanna do ‘ya sex -- can really boost morale.
Click below to learn about ways to detect when you ovulate
Shake it up
When sex becomes routine and mechanical, you have to make it interesting. Change rooms where you usually do it or vary the time of day. Crash each other’s shower or even interrupt a conference call. We liked weekend getaways that took us to unfamiliar places. You could even try a new position that has nothing to do with gravity and ideal flow patterns for sperm.
Be downright sexy
You’re fried from all of this baby-making. Trust me, I know! You’re still hot and your partner still wants you. Spice things up with new lingerie or a new lip gloss. Maybe it’s a hot hairdo or a wax. All of this will do wonders for your own mental state, as well as send some very enticing visual queues.
Netflix & chill
Remember how fun a good makeout session was? They still are! This is especially effective when the male has low sperm and you’re avoiding intercourse for too many consecutive days. Curl up with a movie and turn up the heat. Flirt, kiss, and get handsy but don’t necessarily go all the way. This will really rev the engines!
Here’s the thing…
The key to sex while trying to conceive isn’t that much different than typical marriages where sex slows, becomes familiar, and isn’t a priority like it once was. Have fun and be spontaneous! On the days it matters most as a TTC couple you can focus on doing the deed while still making it hot, playful, and interesting. You could take a shower or sing in the shower, right? The rest of the time, just be in love and want each other. Flirt, touch, play, compliment, surprise... it’ll all go a long way toward getting you back between the sheets.
Brandi Koskie is a guest contributor and founder of the infertility fundraising site, BabyOrBust.com. She is also the co-founder and content strategist for Clover Partners, an interactive studio in Denver and Oklahoma City.